dated : 02-jul-1999

every 1 is busy making grand plans 4 the weekend ... huh??? my chances of freakin out over the long-w'end r pretty slim 'coz of a potential dead-line at work... i may as well end up working c'mingly endless hours into the weekend... poor me... anyways mgmt. gurus say 1 shud never gripe over demanding-work.... so i'll crib 'bout underpaid work!!! my salary is a pittance 4 the effort & time i put in... oops.. but again mgmt. gurus say 1 shud always put in that xtra effort if he has 2 really grow with the company ... & so i'll stop complaining 'bout my pay-rate.. now u mus b wonderin' wat am i left with 2 complain 'bout???? yeah... i've got my loneliness (the very reason i bother u with such senseless&meandering mails!!!) ... i've got nobody 2 share my feelings with... i've 2 travel 10-s of miles b4 i can even get 2 c a familiar desi face .. even thou i hang out with maccu & amru collegues they wud never let me come any closer than they wud want 2... so i'm left all alone... but hell.. again mgmt gurus nag me that history is inundated with achievers who wer staunch introverts & wer lonely most of their lives... holy smokes!!! now wat??? wat shud i complain 'bout... got 1!!! my car.. i shudn't have bout the piece of junk in the 1st place ... jus 'coz the salesman conned me by going in&out of the sales-GM's room as if 2 convince him 2 sell the car 2 me 4 a crazy price, i'd fallen prey!!! foolish me... i shudn't have bout that car... i've b'n cheated big-time!!!! but again mgmt. gurus proclaim 1 shud never repent over bad decisions .. they r the steppin stones 4 more concrete worthwile decisions... so my next-car-shoppin is gonna b much more smarter .. ya that alleviates my aching soul a little!!

but i wud still pursue my painful-endeavor in findin faults with life... thers an other 1... its b'n over an year here in the states & i've not started my GC processing .. it really sucks... but again immgration experts advice that 1 has 2 wait 4 the good time b4 acceptin every & any offer 4 green card processing.. 1ce i accept GC processing with a company i'd b bound 4 eternity with the same meager pay & loads of monotonous work. so i'm actually better off not starting with my GC process yet... then again my dream of doing a Masters in the US is still 2 b realized.. i've not even ventured into it... damn me!!! but again.. i wudn't put the same commitment at work with all the course-work & associated trivia... i wud end up devoting neither 2 work nor 2 my masters... so shelve Masters 4 a wile... wat else???..... i'm thinkin... i'm thinkin... yep... wen am i gonna visit my kith&kin in india.. everybody bak home is waitin 4 my fanfare-visit of motherland... but god!!! thats lotta bucks ... considerin the skyroketing air-fares... all the senseless-shoppin ... swipin the C.cards at xpensive restaurants (2 show-off) ... lord.. that shud b anywer b'ween 4&5 grand.. easy!!! i'm never gonna spend that kind of money on a 2-week pleasure trip 2 india ... the mere idea stinks... so no regrets 4 not visiting india... wait a minute... wats with the biggest decision 4 life??? wen 2 marry... whom 2 marry?? shud i ask 4 good-looks? lots of money? software-savvy? traditional-family? outgoing? (i can list a zillion attributes i'm lookin 4 in the prospective bride but i won't in order 2 commply with the simplicity always reflected in my mails!!!).... wat if she doesn't have the qualities i want? wud v still b compatible? wat if not? wat bothers me most is wat if she has all the qualities i ask 4? wudn't she outwit me? wudn't my ego hurt?...... ?'s without a's.. but elders say marriages r made in heaven & that its mere seredipity that 2 people (not necessarily of opposite sex wen talkin american culture!!!!) meet & vow at wed-lock 2 stay 2gether 4 life... just fate & nothin else!! so i'm better off not fussin over my future luv-life!!! so i'm bak at square 1 again. IF I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING 2 WORRY ABOUT .... LIKE HELL IT WORRIES ME!!!!! luv u & i sign off with a promise 2 bother ya all with more worries of mine in the future 2... balki