{balki Blog}
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Man calls his old-time friend on his birthday to convey his greetings…

Friend: Good to hear from you, man.  It seems like you only call me once a year on my birthday.  I left you a number of messages over the months but you didn’t return any of my calls.

Man: Sorry about that, if you share the birthdays for your son and wife, I will call you three times a year.

Friend: Or, I will change my birthdate on Facebook whenever I need to talk to you.

Man: That will do the trick as well!

Man’s colleague (#1) is furious about how we all have to bend over to accommodate the diverse cultures, interests and sensitivities.  For example, he is p*ssed that we are all encouraged to use “Happy Holidays” (a culture-neutral term) instead of “Merry Christmas”.

Colleague #1: You know, everyone of the 52 students graduating from this one California high school is a valedictorian because they want to treat them all equal and not leave anyone behind.  How stupid is that?#?#$?

Our man did not want to make the situation any worse than it already was so he slowly slipped away from Colleague #1’s office.  But he returns after a couple hours…

Man: Colleague #1, I will need the exact details of that California school including name and address.

Colleague #1: Why?

Man: I need to plan so my (1-year old) son can attend school.  Its his best shot at being a valedictorian.

Colleague #2: I wish you were my dad!  Talk about setting the bar low for your child…

1. Plan your activities:  Unless you go there just to relax at the beach every single day, it pays to plan your activities ahead of time, especially those activities that have limited capacity (e.g. there are only so many seats available on the helicopter tours on a given day; and to make matters worse the weather god plays the trump card)
2. Don’t overextend:  If are traveling with kids (like we did), you can’t do much anyways.  My rule of thumb (in hindsight) is 1 activity per day plus several hours exploring the beaches and restaurants.
3. Some must-do activities (in Maui):
   1. Snorkeling (snuba, if you are feeling ambitious)
      1. I had a great experience with Maui Classic Charters (the operators of Four Winds II) even though they were a little pricey compared to others; they had great equipment, boat and staff.
   2. Helicopter tours
      1. Even though we tried AlexAir for our East Maui tour, I recommend Sunshine because they have newer crafts and they are recommended by Frommers.
      2. Look online for deals ahead of time instead of calling the companies directly or going through the hotel concierge
4. Sneak peek at the grand resorts in Wailea:
   1. Four Seasons
   2. Marriott
   3. Grand Wailea Resort
5. Explore all the beautiful beaches

We visited Vancouver, BC recently and had a chance to try some of the delicious Indian food.  I am just using this post to document the various spots for the posterity and of course for my next trip

Best Indo-Chinese food:
Asian Spice
9436 120th St
Surrey, BC
Tel: 604-582-8388

Samosas, chat and sweets (all kinds):
Prabu Sweets
7035 128 St #106
Surrey, BC V3W 4E1
Tel: 604-596-1308

Pure Vegetarian Pizzas:
Vege Garden Pizza & Coffee Shop
103-8383A 128 Street,
Surrey, BC V3W 4G1
Telephone : 604-507-3003

{Many thanks to good friend Rohit Srivastava for recommending these restaurants and helping these businesses survive by visiting Canada every week}

Man and wife get into a gondola scaling up to the top of the Whistler mountain.  A few other Canadians end up in the same gondola for the 25 minute ride.

Canadian #1: Where are you guys from?
Wife: Portland, Oregon
Canadian #2: That’s quite a drive; I had the best coffee in the world when I visited Portland last… I just can’t seem to remember the name of the place.
Man: Starbucks?
Canadian #3: Yeah, and Canadian #2 just realized that there are 36,000 best coffee places in the world along with several 100 in the Vancouver-Whistler area itself.

Man and some of his colleagues are driving to a local restaurant for lunch together.  The conversation inevitably turns to bad service and the consequences.

Colleague #1: I don’t leave any tip when I receive bad service or when the waiter/waitress has an attitude.
Colleague #2: Yes.  I am more generous than that.  I do tip - I leave 2 old pennies on the table.
Man: I also leave 2 pennies; both of them licked on either side.
Colleague #2: Our man has been living in this country for way too long; he should become a citizen just for this!

Man and family go to a religious gathering.  An extremely naughty boy (probably around 5 years old) is wreaking havoc at the community center.  An elderly gentleman starts the following conversation in an attempt to calm down the boy:

Elderly Gentleman (EG): What is your name?
Naughty Boy (NB): XYZ
EG: Where is your home?
NB: So-and-so town
EG: Can I come to your home to play with you?
NB: Sure
EG: So, do you have any toys to play with at your home?
NB: Yes, “FIRE”
EG: I don’t really like to play with fire.
Man (making a mental note to self): Never let Ishaan (man’s son of 4 months) come in contact with this XYZ kid!

Man’s wife is in labor at the hospital.  Man, the doula and the nurse have been helping his wife push the baby out for a couple hours.  As the big moment gets closer, nurse and doula observe that the man is almost ready to collapse from exhaustion, excitement and mere nervousness.  So, they suggest he go to the break room to get some cold juice.  He promptly follows their directions.  On his way back, he hears a big baby scream suddenly.  So, he goes rushing back into the labor room.  Sure enough the baby is out and in the nurse’s hands.

Man: What the h*ck?  Why does this baby have blonde hair???!??

Nurse and the new mom:  Who the h*ll are you and what are you doing in this private room?  Get out of here right this moment!*%!

Man silently walks out of the room and goes back to his own room where the wife is still in labor and still hates him for bestowing this much pain on her.

Man and wife buy several dozen candles for a special occasion and decide to return a couple dozen of them at Fred Meyer.

Store return clerk: Somebody likes candles!
Man & Wife: Yeah…
Store clerk: Is there a reason you are returning these candles?
Man: We just realized last night that we could use electricity for lighting so we don’t need these candles.
Wife: I know.  That is why I disowned him several years ago.  Nothing he says or does embarrasses me anymore.

Man’s 5-year old niece is visiting from out of town.  Our man is chatting with her to catch up on the latest happenings…

Man: What grade are you in now?
Niece: I finished kindergarten and will be going to 1st grade next year.
Man: Are you excited to go to a real school and make friends?
Niece: Not really.
Man: Why is that?
Niece: Because first grade is a lot harder than kindergarten.
Man: @#$!?@?!