{balki Blog}
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Man, his pregnant wife go out to dinner with two of their best friends and their wives.  Incidentally, the friends’ wives are also pregnant (more so than our man’s wife).  Although, the man’s wife is pregnant, they are not ready to disclose that to the world since she is in the early stages (<10 weeks pregnant).
[NOTE: Remember that our man is the epitome of inappropriateness before judging him based on the below conversation]

Man: Hey guys, did anybody request to touch the belly yet?
Friend #1: No, and we will be busy for the next 5 months (the remaining duration of his wife’s pregnancy).  Unfortunately, we might not be able to meet you again before she delivers the baby.
Friend #2: No, and we just decided to move out of town.  Good luck!

Man and some of his colleagues are attending an overview training explaining the new product-line offered by their company.  All the products are focused on making it easier for a person to self-service / automate his banking transactions.

Trainer #1: Our latest product lets a business banking customer to scan his check images directly to the bank without using any special software!

Trainer #2: Yes, our objective is to make it as easy for the bank customers to complete all their transactions without ever having to set foot in a banking center.

Man: Sure.  If we can create a software product so the customer can print his own money on a laser printer at home, then our dream will be 100% accomplished!

Colleague: You mean, I am not allowed to do that right now?!?

Man and friends are playing Loaded Questions.  The inevitable question that begs for an inappropriate answer/comment comes up (in fact, every question and work begs for a politically incorrect answer for our man!): "What is the one thing you wanted as a child but never got?"

Friend #1: Butter!  My parents never let me eat butter because they didn’t want me to put on any more weight.

Man’s wife: Girls’ bike; I always got hand-me-down bikes from my brother.

Friend #2: Makeup; putting on makeup was a big taboo in my family.

Man: Food!  Dinner on Fridays to be more specific.  Being the last of seven children, I was allowed to eat dinner only Sunday nights (the last day of the week).  I always had a craving to eat dinner on Friday night instead while watching a movie.

Friends: Boo!  We don’t have the time to hear another south Indian movie story about a poor, handsome, funny boy becoming a super-hero when he grows up.

Our man is working really hard to win a competition at work where the total steps are counted at the end of 8-week period and the teams (of 4) with highest step count win prizes (and more importantly bragging rights).
Man is finding all sorts of desperate ways to increase his current step count from 20K/day to 25-30K/day.

Man: I accumulated 1500 steps chasing (and being chased by) the cat around the house!
Friend: My girlfriend and I broke up. So I was thinking…I could use a pedometer to see how many steps I take chasing women!!
Man: Well, I can get you a pedometer but you can only count the steps you take by chasing "away" what you already own, like your current girlfriend, child or a deadly pet spider.