Neighbor: Are you doing the garage sale this year?
Man: No, but do you mind if I keep some of my stuff in your sale?
Neighbor: Sure, no problem.  What do you have?
Man: Oh, nothing much… just one thing.  Let me go get it…

….

….

…

Man: So, just this sign

Neighbor: Sc**w you %$@#!#$

Geek Colleague #1: I have been waiting for the GPS for a while; I am so happy Steve decided to include that in the new version.  I have to auction off my current iPhone to get the new one.

Geek Colleague #2: I can’t wait to get my hands on the new version to get on the Internet.  The 3G connection is going to rock!

Geek Colleague #3: Voice recognition and breath analyzer (to measure Blood-Alcohol Level) would be great built-in features for the iPhone.

Man: For me, ClearBlue and lie-detector would be the greatest built-in features in the iPhone Nano;  I am willing to spend major $$, if Steve decides to add those.

Geek Colleagues #1, #2, #3: What the heck!?!@?  Why would you want someone to pee on a beautiful iPhone?

Man: Yes, here’s a scenario…. your partner pees on it to test whether she is pregnant.  And you can immediately use the lie-detector feature to test whether its your baby or not.  Can you find a better device to use than an iPhone, which is always on your hip?

Barista: Do you want your receipt?
Man: No, that’s fine.
Barista: Oh, but you have been randomly selected to participate in our customer satisfaction survey.  If you complete the survey within 7 days, you will be entered into a drawing for 1000$ cash prize!
Man: No, thank you.  I will pass on the survey.  But I will take the 1000$ in cash.
Barista: Get the hell out of my store!#$@!

PBC: So, you get ABC benefits as part of your insurance, your out-of-pocket max is $XYZ … blah blah blah…
Man: Sure, that information is good to know.  Thanks for the heads-up.
PBC: Yes, we also bill you for the entire share of your out-of-pocket expense, around 500$, before your 8th month appointment.  A lot of would-be parents freak out, obviously because the final service (i.e. the baby birth) has not happened yet.  So, we like to tell you that even though you get billed in the 8th month, that money is *NOT DUE* until after the delivery.
Man: I don’t care.  We are very rich!  Do you want me to show you some cash right now?
Wife: Do not listen to what he says or answer any of his questions.  That is why I did not involve him in any part of my pregnancy process.

Man: Hey guys, did anybody request to touch the belly yet?
Friend #1: No, and we will be busy for the next 5 months (the remaining duration of his wife’s pregnancy).  Unfortunately, we might not be able to meet you again before she delivers the baby.
Friend #2: No, and we just decided to move out of town.  Good luck!

Trainer #1: Our latest product lets a business banking customer to scan his check images directly to the bank without using any special software!

Trainer #2: Yes, our objective is to make it as easy for the bank customers to complete all their transactions without ever having to set foot in a banking center.

Man: Sure.  If we can create a software product so the customer can print his own money on a laser printer at home, then our dream will be 100% accomplished!

Colleague: You mean, I am not allowed to do that right now?!?

Friend #1: Butter!  My parents never let me eat butter because they didn’t want me to put on any more weight.

Man’s wife: Girls’ bike; I always got hand-me-down bikes from my brother.

Friend #2: Makeup; putting on makeup was a big taboo in my family.

Man: Food!  Dinner on Fridays to be more specific.  Being the last of seven children, I was allowed to eat dinner only Sunday nights (the last day of the week).  I always had a craving to eat dinner on Friday night instead while watching a movie.

Friends: Boo!  We don’t have the time to hear another south Indian movie story about a poor, handsome, funny boy becoming a super-hero when he grows up.

Man: I accumulated 1500 steps chasing (and being chased by) the cat around the house!
Friend: My girlfriend and I broke up. So I was thinking…I could use a pedometer to see how many steps I take chasing women!!
Man: Well, I can get you a pedometer but you can only count the steps you take by chasing "away" what you already own, like your current girlfriend, child or a deadly pet spider.

Man: Why don’t you squeeze in closer so your wife can sit next to you?

Friend: Why would I want to do that?  We work in the same office, we commute in the same car, we live in the same house, and we are even having a baby together!  I don’t want any more of her than I already have…

Friend #2: You might want to rephrase that statement before your wife gets back to the table…

Man: Yes, let me help you with that.  For your own safety, the statement you are going to use will be "I LOVE HER TO DEATH"!

Aaron, the waiter: Would you like to look at our desserts menu?
Everyone: Yes, please!
He comes back with the dessert tray and explains the names of the various items…
Man: Are these desserts real?
Aaron, the waiter (cautiously): Yes, but you don’t want to eat them since they are almost 3 days stale!
Man: Can I at least LICK some of them?
Aaron, the waiter: !?!%$#?! Let me talk to my manager….

Boss: So, what have you accomplished in the last 6 months?
Man: Lots of different things; I changed a lot of stuff in the department for the better.
Boss: What kinds of stuff?
Man: So, “stuff” is not specific enough for you?

Man: How was your weekend?
Colleague: It was good except that I did not do anything other than lie on the couch and watch TV all day…
Man: That is not so bad…
Colleague: On Sunday I went to church with my family.  You know, despite what you may have heard about me I am a good little girl!
…
….
……
Colleague: You can ask my parole officer if you want
Man: ?!??!?@?!!?

Colleague: Yesterday I went out on a lunch-date with this really cute girl.  But…
Man: Is she already married?
Colleague: No.  But she is already in another relationship.
Man: Oh!  Does she have any kids?
Colleague #2: Wow, someone had some really rough dates!

I was pleasantly surprised at the big turnout for the event - there were almost 30 volunteers from various organizations!  I was also very impressed by the work SHS does for the Portland public schools.  The organization donated over 170K books to schools so far!

This morning we were helping sort the 5000+ books donated by Powell’s Books.  We had great fun working together and passing silly comments on the book titles and pictures.  Many books were old but I think we got a decent yield of around 40% (you see, not all books donated are consumable by K-12 students and their teachers, hence the need for sorting.  The remaining books are then donated or sold to other organizations).

We also had a fun competition where volunteers got to show off funny book titles they found in the stash and one volunteer got a prize for the best pick (today’s winner was a girl who found a book titled “Guide to Marriage and/or Sex” by Dave Barry)

Volunteers also get to take home a few books of their choice (from the “throw-away pile”) as a token of appreciation.  I picked up a couple books including and TrumpNation and Dealing With Darwin)

I had great fun at SHS and I highly recommend volunteering there if you are looking to contribute through community-service.

Man: There are a lot of new movies on that shelf over there.
Lady: Which movies are good?
Man (unable to withhold his enthusiasm any longer reaches out the shelf): What kinds of movies do you like?
Lady: Not sure.  We haven’t watched a lot of new movies yet.
Wife (hardly attempting to withhold her unbridled laughter): He does not know anything; don’t take his advice.
Man (still relentless in his pursuit to help): Did you watch “Guru“?
Lady: Duh! That movie was released over a year ago!
Wife: We hardly watch 1 or 2 movies in a year and he fast-forwards most of the movies.
Lady: Then I am talking to the wrong person…
At this time, Man picks out a movie and offers to the friendly lady.
Clerk: Sir, that is not a movie…  “It is a cookbook“.
Wife: I rest my case.

When my nephew Kiran suggested RebTel, I was very reluctant at first but was instantly intrigued after visiting their web-site.  I think RebTel is a truly innovative product and that it offers quality at a very reasonable price (5.6 cents/min to India).

Here’s some pros and cons:

Pros	Cons
Easy registration (via credit card, PayPal or Ukash)	Currently cannot auto-recharge when using PayPal
Automatic recharge when the balance falls below a certain threshold (I think it is $1.00)
Only 5.6 cents/min for calls to India	It could have been even cheaper
*Auto-generated local number for each of your contacts in a foreign country	Currently limited to 20 contacts
Can register up to 5 phone numbers for the service (to make calls from)	Maybe limiting for a family of 5+ phones
RebTel customers can make free calls between each other	Not the most convenient way to call!
Current promotion gives you 20$ credit for new users.	I only get 5 free minutes for referrals
Very tightly integrated into SMS, email and phone so you don’t need to manage your account exclusively online.	Takes some time and effort to get used to all these features.

If you want to check out the service, let me know and I will send a referral.  Happy calling!

Credit Card Pusher (CCP): Sir, sir!  Do you have a US Airways boarding pass?
Man: Yes.
CCP: Great!  Can you please step over to the side so we can talk?
CCP: What state are you in, sir?
Man: In a state of confusion
CCP (in a state of confusion himself): Sorry, sir!  What state do you reside in?
Man: Oh! in a state of eternal despair.
CCP: I just need to know where in the 50 states you live…
Man: Ok.  What are the different states?
CCP: Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Connecticut….
Man: Ok.  I am from Oregon.
CCP: Great.  then you qualify for 5000 free miles if you sign-up for a credit card now.
Man: I thought it was 500,000 free miles?
CCP: No, sir.  I can go up to 15,00 miles maximum.
Man: Ok.  Give me a call if you can do 450,000 miles or better.
CCP: Whatever!
Man (to himself): YES!!! If only 10 more people annoyed these CCPs like our man everyday, nobody would want to take up such a lousy job.

(NOTE: this inappropriate comment series is based on true events but some of the statements were glorified for dramatic effects)

Here’s a short list of geeky gadgets that could activate an instant orgasm even in the most practical non-nerds among you:

Tool	My compelling reason to buy the tool
A virtual (projected) Bluetooth keyboard (HS1101J) : 169.99	I feel a very compelling need to upgrade my foldable wireless keyboard for the smart phone since it is cumbersome to use on my bathroom walls.
The Marshmallow Shooter (71405J): 24.95	I hate marshmallows and I need to shoot them out of my sight??!?
The World’s Largest Crossword Puzzle (66813J): 29.95	I always wanted to do crossword puzzles and this is a good time as any and I am known to aim high!
The Backpack Bicycle (74217): 249.95	I do not have a way to carry my regular bicycle in the car … the 3.5 times I use it per decade.
Home Theater Watch (TA457J): 119.95	It has been more than 2.68 years since I started reading news on my computer watch and it is time to upgrade to color.
Animated Hitch Critters (AUB101J): 24.95	Our SUV needs a hitch to get a more manly look and we need something girly to decorate that hitch.
Trailer Hitch Hammock Chairs (HKA102J): 199.99	We need these hammock chairs for our romantic drive-in theater experience (planned for August 24th, 2025, our 25th anniversary)
Scrolling LED License Plate Frame (12018J): 59.95	I can think of some creative and spontaneous phrases, if you know what I mean
SkyRest Travel Pillow (99010J): 29.95	People don’t make enough fun of me in public places.  I need a prop!!!!
Picture Frame HDTV Antenna (A515-1018J): 49.99	(I might actually buy this; so no comment)
CatGenie - Never touch cat litter box (PTN101): 299.99	When you get pregnant, we cannot afford to hire a cat-sitter everyday.
Upside down Tomato Garden (67403): 74.95	… because growing the tomatoes in a regular fashion (upside up) is just plain lame!

What reasons do you use to buy gadgets?

Some of the questions were:

• What type of wood are “Clogs” made of?
• Which language does the word “Volvo” (as in the safest car) originate from?

Does this mean airlines are attempting to change their monotonous and “necessary evil” image by providing more entertaining and educational options as part of their in-flight services (at least for geeks like me)?

If so, what else is next?  Personally I would love to play “Friends Scene It” on my next flight

2007 CTA Holiday Train ]]> http://www.balki.net/blog/2007/12/01/cta-holiday-train-my-first-youtube-video/feed/