- Telegram 1
A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams, which the father receives as "Father, your daughter has been successful in BED."
- Telegram 2
A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a telegram to his wife "I wish you were here." The message
received by wife, "I wish you were her."
- Telegram 3
A wife with near maturing pregnancy goes to railway station to return to her husband. At the reservation counter, while her turn
came, it was the last ticket. Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the queue, she offered her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as "Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an old lady."
- Telegram 4
A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake. The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake.
Well he thinks for a while and says let's put, "you are not getting older you are getting better". The salesman asks "how do you want me to put it?" The man says, Well put "You are not getting older", at the top and "You are getting better" at the
bottom. The real fun didn't start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake "You are not getting older at the top, You are getting better at the bottom".
- ACTUAL T-SHIRT SLOGANS
Frankly, Scallop, I Don't Give a Clam (seen on Cape Cod)
That's It! I'm Calling Grandma!" (seen on an 8 year old)
Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up
Procrastinate Now
Rehab Is for Quitters
My Dog Can Lick Anyone
I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts - Do You Want Fries With That?
Party - My Crib - Two A.M. (on a baby-size shirt)
Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been Doing Since 15
ALL MEN ARE IDIOTS, AND I MARRIED THEIR KING
west Virginia: One Million People, and 15 last names
FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software
I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I'VE GOT A GUN
A hangover is the wrath of grapes
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!
DISCOURAGE INBREEDING - Ban Country Music"
MOOSEHEAD: A great beer and a new experience for a moose
They call it 'PMS' because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken
He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead
Time's fun when you're having flies.......Kermit the Frog
POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN .... Cops have nothing to go on
FOR SALE: Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped once
HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOSH
A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, but it uses up a thousand times the memory
The Meek shall inherit the earth....after we're through with it
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana
HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig
WELCOME TO KENTUCKY - Set your watch back 20 years
The trouble with life is there's no background music
IF THERE IS NO GOD, WHO POPS UP THE NEXT KLEENEX?
Suicidal Twin Kills Sister By Mistake!
The original point-and-click interface was a Smith & Wesson
MY WILD OATS HAVE TURNED TO SHREDDED WHEAT
Computer programmers don't byte, they nybble a bit
Computer programmers know how to use their hardware
MOP AND GLOW - Floor wax used by Three-Mile-Island cleanup team
NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room-spinning medicine
Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research
Shirt with a Harley Davidson logo on the front. The back said, "IF YOU CAN READ THIS, THE BITCH FELL OFF!
My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't
- GET YOUR HEALTHY DOSE OF INSANITY
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car w/sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Insist that your e mail address is: Xena-Warrior-Princess@companyname.com or Elvis-the-King@companyname.com
4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
5. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
6. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."
7. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
8. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
9. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors".
10.Reply to everything someone says with, "that's what you think."
11.Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
12.Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
13.Don't use any punctuation.
14.As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
15.Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
16.Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
17.Sing along at the opera.
18.Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
19.Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is of the opposite gender.)
20.Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom, in stall #3."
21.Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
22.Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
23.Call the psychic hotline and don't say anything.
24.Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
25.When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!", "3rd time this week!!!"
26.When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
27.Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, it's the voices in your head that do."
28.Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
29.Every time you see a broom, yell "Honey, your mother is here!"
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Jokes Classification
Set 1 Jokes
